The little things

Love is in the little things

Love isn’t about buying…It’s about giving and embracing

Love is in the gestures not the words

Love is the way you hold hands to comfort each other

Love is a random text in the middle of the day, just to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’

Love is cooking together on weekends and holidays

Love is watching Netflix for hours while cuddling

Love is caring for each other when sick

Love is arranging surprises with or without occasions

Love is seeing value in what you do for each other

Love is conveying ‘we are in this together’ every day

Love is putting in consistent efforts, as little as giving morning coffee or that goodbye kiss every day

Love is doing mundane things together

Love is cleaning up without being asked

Love is in random hugs and kisses

Love is the feeling of warmth even when it is cold outside

Love is hoping somethings truly doesn’t change

Love is not in big things but in a million little things❤️

Is this humanity or a modern warfare?

Quit the games you play

Always like a competition

Where no one wants to slay

But there are no winners in this game

Only a broken heart and a bitter soul

You use it as an upper hand

On who hurt who

Who was right and who was wrong

Or use it as a bridge to seal hearts

Well in the end it won’t matter

As its a defeat like a crater

But there are no losers in this game

As no one goes empty handed

All goes emptier than how it begun!

Media, Feminism and Patriarchy…This needs to stop!

I agree with all those who are annoyed that news channels are missing out on the debates on the economy, COVID-19 cases, unemployment and many such emerging issues. But lets not forget this is Indian journalism, even before SSR-case they were for years showing us what ‘Kareena Kapoor’s son Taimur is eating, wearing and excreting! We can’t expect better from them anyway!

I am going to leave discussion on ‘good journalism’ to some other day. But I am disappointed on what has India come to? What are we trying to become? All we see today are blood-thirsty people trying to bring each other down. I am not just talking about politics but in general. This whole SSR-case has become about name calling, feminism and patriarchy. I mean what is wrong with people, why are they voicing with someone who has been charged with an FIR? Where were these people when the Sadhu’s were lynched, wasn’t that a criminal offence? Lets understand feminism and patriarchy are not words to be used to show yourself as liberal or play the victim-card. There are actually a neglected segment of society who badly suffer as a result of this!

What is ‘Feminism’! It simply means believing that women and men are equal and deserve equal rights. If you agree with that, you’re a feminist! Feminism, isn’t about name calling men, playing victim-cards and neither it is about women who get involved with men who have money to use them. In case on Rhea, people need to understand she has a written FIR by the family; false or right, the court will prove! But as per her statement on his mental health, leaving a mentally unstable person alone is an illegal offence in itself, especially when you used him for money. Also, a supreme agency like NCB found evidences against her for drug peddling. So yes, she is charged with criminal offences and like any other man or woman she will have to deal with the legal system. I find nothing wrong in this!

Believing in same kinds of laws for men and women means you have an understanding of what humanity is and you are therefore, a feminist. If Rhea is proven innocent by any chance, then you have all the right to come in support but what you are doing now, is plain hypocrisy! You are showing to world how twisted your mentality is. STOP making it about patriarchy!

Now what exactly is Patriarchy? It is a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. There is a large segment of Indian society like some of the tribal groups in South India and Uttar Pradesh where women on regular basis face exploitation-economic, physical and sexual; are deprived of education; are thrown into the cycle of poverty and are neglected by families . Why no one raise voices then? That will not give you publicity?

Now if you look at Rhea’s case and to all the ‘ignorant celebs and public’, they have made this issue about patriarchy. Well, show me where Sushant or his family has the upper hand here? The girl is getting top-notch security by Mumbai police, police officers are opening car doors for her, running after her, one of the senior most journalist is taking her interviews, she is the one name-calling her deceased boyfriend as a ‘drug addict’, mentally ill’ and what not, trying to sabotage his hard-earned image. Again just because she is a woman, she is playing the ‘victim-card’ here and some celebs and so called-liberals have started debate of patriarchy.

And for your information, the real example of patriarchy is what is happening with Kangana Ranaut!

I see a lot journalist writing that “Rhea Chakraborty has been declared guilty by the “9 o’ clock judges, i.e. media, which is ethically wrong”. So are you saying ” Declaring a dead soul as mentally ill and a drug addict” is ethically right? You could have been sued for it, if it wasn’t India and would have to pay a heave price for it!

Since we are talking about ‘words’, lets touch lightly upon ‘Cinema’ and ‘actor’. Cinema is the production of films as an art or industry or a theatre where films are shown for public entertainment. An actor is person whose profession is acting on the stage, in films, or on television. My point is like any other profession; teachers, nurses, managers, they are also just professionals, who earn money for themselves. They are not giving you any money; how many of them came forward during the pandemic crisis? Any charity that they do is to white-wash their image, like Salman Khan did when he had criminal charges on him and he launched ‘being-human’.

If you have little bit of self-respect and dignity left in you, stop treating them like Gods! If you really have to respect a profession, respect your ‘Doctors’, they demand respect!

India and Bollywood would never be the same for me, Bollywood has lost the charm for me and India_I hope we can still save it from ourselves!

This too shall pass…

Death is inevitable. But, why do someone have to take that step and fall in the infinity?

I never thought a stranger’s death could touch my life but don’t we all yearn for a fairy tale and when we find somebody who had lived one, through hard work, we tend to connect to that human in some way? And their loss could make us feel as if we’ve lost our own!

Sushant Singh Rajput, exceptionally talented actor committed suicide! His last film was about suicide prevention and him taking such a step which is something my mind can’t process! ‘Depression’ is the cited reason for his death. But it could be anything. What is important is we speak about suicide and depression right now, because a lot of us are confined to a closed space for months together and we have nothing much to think or do!

Just publicising ‘metal health’ for personal benefits does not help. We need to patronise the ones who come for help saying we’re also in the same ship and it’s fine to be not okay!

We forget that we never really know how much deep in their mind someone have sunk when they take such step! We never know the demons they had fought!

Committing suicide is not a great option, I agree. But, if a person has been driven to that extent, then we might have to really think about the problem more than the step itself!

To all the one reading this, before you spread negativeness, understand people have different mechanism to deal with grief and pain and if you were not there to support them, you have no right to criticise and mock them!

What you should be doing is spread awareness, there is help out there. Depression is a stigma in many societies including India, people start tagging you as ‘unfit’ and some who has ‘lost his/her mind’. But on the contrary, it is just like any other health issue, its completely normal.

If you know some one dealing with a hard time, be there for them even if you think they might not open up to you, you never know you can save a life!

If you are the one dealing with a hard time, trust me this too shall pass, there are lot of people out there, who might not be close to you or might even be strangers to you but are ready to help you. They are right there to help you, to fight it with you, all you need to do is ‘ask’!

To all the one reading this, Let us be with people when they are still alive rather than in the memory of them!

Mom…❤️

For a chit-chat or a warm hug,

For a phone call wishing me good luck;

For that advice when I need,

For that smile as I succeed,

For that comfort when I cry,

For that laughter as I come by;

From the quite walks in the park,

To our endless stories in the dark;

I miss the life if you have been here,

There is love in the world but not as selfless and anywhere near!

In the time of Quarantine…

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News these days is filled with stories of travelers and citizens being sent to quarantine homes. Seems like, ‘Social distancing’ is the new ‘mantra’ and ‘Quarantine’ is the new reality.

Though there is widespread appreciation on Government’s efforts across the world to contain the virus but there is criticism on problems faced as a result of quarantine measures. Some school of thought find it unethical and coerced.

Is isolation different from quarantine? Well, going by the definitions, Isolation is separating sick people from healthy ones, which sounds like a good idea. As there is enough evidence that physical barriers can prevent spread of disease. For example, if you hear the news that corona virus POSITIVE patients are being quarantined, I believe that is isolation. Not quarantine!

A true quarantine is like that happened in history when the Croatian city of Dubrovnik began isolating travelers outside the city and away from all contact with locals, even the healthy ones. The separation period lasted 30 days. If you hadn’t come down with the plague by the end of that time, you could come into the city. The same is happening across the world in many cities now, China, Italy and now India to name a few. However do we have enough evidence on the effectiveness of Quarantine?

Also, Quarantine is typically in two respects more ethically problematic than isolation. It involves the confinement of individuals who might not be infected. Like, when an entire village in Sierra Leone was quarantined because any individual might have been exposed to Ebola. Secondly, it typically forces people who have not been infected to be in spatial proximity to those who have been infected, thereby increasing their chances of becoming infected, like the one happened in corona-virus-infected cruise ship.

But we can’t undermine the fact that both isolation and quarantine can be effective in protecting or restoring public health. Also, any infectious diseases can have a considerable financial cost, which needs to be factored in when weighing pros and cons of timely and effective implementation of public health measures.

When any Government has to make a decisions in conditions of uncertainty, they assess the expected benefits and harms of a certain choice (say, implementing quarantine measures) against the expected benefits and harms of a different choice (say, not implementing quarantine measures). Currently NOT implementing quarantine holds more risk than implementing it.

One need to understand the infection does not selectively affect individual hence it’s our moral duty to support the Government measures in the time of adversity to contain the virus.

Some of us are lucky be home but others have travelling jobs. One can’t even imagine the state of mind of being away from family in a quarantine home.  But let’s factor in if you are infected, you can infect your loved ones too as well as all the people you come in contact with, something none of us wants, right?

But how does one cope up? How to coexist with other quarantine members when your own head is spinning hard? If you are in a city-lock down situation, be empathetic, stop stocking up the supplies more than you will need for a few weeks or so, as there is enough for everyone, if we let it be.

This is not the survival of the fittest! Instead you will survive if your neighbours do and community does!

To those who are stuck in their homes or quarantine shelters, psychologists recommends; do something you like but break the routine by doing something new, to avoid getting in the trap of boredom. Read, cook, write, talk to family (we never have time but now we do!), watch movies, listen to music, dance or catch up on that sleep. Do whatever you feel like, just try not to panic.

Let’s hope this is over soon and life can go back to normal for everyone!

 

The Perfect Marriage

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Does happily ever after really exist or is that just some silly phrase out of a fairy tale?

The fact is at no point in life can you be perfect at anything, but you can prepare yourself for the adventures of life.

And one of life’s biggest challenges is marriage!

Marriage is considered to be one of the hardest aspects of life to control and requires preparation emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

The old notion of “soulmate” is just overrated; “True soulmates” are the one you are married to no matter how unreal you might find them in the moment of aggression.

This is especially true as it is said that “true soulmates are not born but made!” It isn’t something that will happen in the first month, or even in the first year. It will take time, and patience, and commitment. It is believed that with the right amount of love, happiness, and communication anything is possible and your dreams of being together forever may one day come true.

I was married on 25th December 2015 and I have learnt both the numerous ways to destroy and build a successful marriage through “live experiences”.

Few months into our marital bliss, we sobbed on our couch with our heads in our hands. We fought numerous times and we made up even more. Each fight taught something new about each other and led to the reality check of ‘being married’. We disagreed on finances, our ideas of running the household, family, friends, even sometimes on our views about current news! Sometimes our fight led to other person jumping to conclusion without other completing the sentences. I found some his views unreal as he was sometimes stubborn and annoying during such fights and he might have felt the same as we never knew these aspects while we were dating!

Isn’t it during such fight we feel that this is not what I bargained my freedom for? Isn’t it during those hard times we do feel, marriages sucks and most often we assume the other person has changed or maybe we never really knew who they really were!

This happens because we often fold inside of ourselves these lengthy lists of qualifications, standards, and traits we expect the “right person” to meet. But the reality is there is no such thing as “right person” and this is because no one is perfect. There are in-built flaws in all of us and you just have to learn to live with it.

Do you really think there is any such thing as “the right person will come and wipe of your tears and your life will become magical”? Well NO! No one has that kind of power. How can one expect another person to encompass all of the ideals he or she is so grossly incapable of encompassing?

There are thousands of articles available that tell you ‘Dos and Don’ts of a successful marriage.  But the fact is every marriage is different and the rules cannot be same for all.

What I learned and still am is:

 “Believe in your partner and their intentions like we believe in ourselves!”

This does not mean turning a blind eye but it only implies considering them as part of you and trusting their actions even at a point when you know you are on the verge of breaking.

I strongly believe after being married to the person I love the most now is “No matter how wonderful he is, he isn’t a knight-in-shining anything because I am certainly no princess either!” And it would be unfair for me to expect him to be.

Then and Now

In life you get hurt, you become practical

But does it makes you forget who you were?

You move on…

Then why past haunts?

Why when everything seems perfect

You sulk inside?

Is it the ‘person’ or ‘you’

Are you still the same?

No matter how strong you pose

You still get hurt

And that is what I am wondering now…

Was I better then or am better now?

Then if I was hurt, I weeped…

Now when am hurt, I smile,

Then if I missed someone, I called…

Now if I miss, I delete,

Then I loved with all my heart…

Now, I love with all the doubts,

Then my every action was for the present…

Now with every action I measure future,

Then my dreams were about love…

Now I only dream of success,

In the process I grew up!

From an innocent little girl to a women

But isn’t it that deep down inside that ‘little girl’ never dies?

I am still the same!

Who still believes in fairy tales and prince-charming but poses as her ‘own boss’

So was I better then or am I better now?

MY WORST DOWNFALL…! — Candles Online

“They say embarrassment has a lot to do with thinking too much, let it go. Nobody cares as much as we think they do!” 

For those who know me well, can completely relate if I say, I attract embarrassing situations like a magnet! Whether it’s tripping inside my own room or while climbing up the stairs in public or saying just the wrong words at the wrong time, or just talking out-loud, I’ve mastered the art of awkwardness. I […]

via MY WORST DOWNFALL…! — Candles Online

STOP BEING A VICTIM AND OWN IT! — Candles Online

Post-International Women’s day 2018, this thought still resonates:

“Make voicelessness lose its wicked grasp, get yourself heard!”

“She is level-headed and opinionated!” “She is a feminist!” I have to say, when it is needed, I have spoken out loud and talked about my opinion though it has created repercussions both at personal and professional level. I have been stereotyped as someone who is ‘outspoken and rude’! It happened when I took up […]

via STOP BEING A VICTIM AND OWN IT! — Candles Online

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